WHAT GOES AROUND - COMES AROUND

I generally believe this to be a true statement. Call it what you will, but I often think the world does not reward terrible acts.

So I wondered yesterday, when I arrived at the local pool for my training, what I had done to mankind? I wondered this when I found a new floater in the outdoor swim lane at my local pool.

Please imagine with me, if you can, an older gentlemen, maybe early 70's, khaki babeball hat on his head, large blue noodle between his legs and under his back as a floatation device, black speedo, floating back and forth in lane 2 of 2 lanes. Cute kids getting lessons in lane 1, and the "open swim" area empty.

"HA" I say to myself. Been down this road and don't want to do it again. I will ask the lifeguard whether it is more appropriate for man and noodle to leave the lane so I can use it... I have a swim cap on. I plan on getting my face in the water. I mean business.

Life guard, clearly not interested or sympathetic to my concern, cooly says "you can ask him if you want - but he just got there."

Not helpful young man. Not helpful at all.

Well, I don't have the guts to ask Senor speedo to move, or share, so I sheepishly swam in the open swim part, dodging small children who eventually decided swimming underneath me and in front of me was a fun game.

Again, tried to splash the noodle guy - to no avail. That must be why he brought the hat.

So what have I done to hurt the world? Did I kill too many bugs this week? Was I unkind to a stranger who called our office?

I am repentant. I am sorry. I am hopeful for brighter days and fewer men floating mid-lane. I will run tonight, and send blessings to those I pass. Perhaps I can make amends - and things will get better. Perhaps the greenways will be less crowded with people standing or walking at a snails pace mid lane.

OPEN WATER SWIM - OH MY

Pop quiz regarding triathlon training in the Florida Keys:

What lives in the ocean (Gulf of Mexico / Atlantic)?

a. crabs

b. sting rays

c. fishes

d. barracuda

ANSWER: all of the above

What did I see during my open water swims this week in the Gulf of Mexico?
a. crabs
b. sting rays
c. fishes
d. barracuda

ANSWER: A, C & D, sort of (they were nearby)

What did my brother see during his float around the ocean and have fun swim?
a. crabs
b. sting rays
c. fishes
d. barracuda

ANSWER: B

What landed on my shoulder when I stopped to catch my breath mid-swim in the ocean?
a. crabs
b. sting rays
c. fishes
d. barracuda

ANSWER: A, and he did not look happy


What made me swim very fast during these open water swims?
a. crabs
b. sting rays
c. fishes
d. barracuda

ANSWER: The crab that landed on my shoulder


What do I hope is not in the James River when I swim there in September 2010 during the Patriot Triathlon?
a. crabs
b. sting rays
c. fishes
d. barracuda

ANSWER: All of the above
 
It was a fun few days swimming in the keys, fighting the current, swinging my arms against salty waves of green water. I had to learn the rhythm of ocean swimming and breathing, to not be alarmed by the saltiness of the water or the murky bottom below. Just kick, stroke, breathe - repeat. Oh, and scream when you realize a small spotted crab is sitting on your shoulder extending his pinchers towards your earlobes.

WHAT A PAIN

I'll admit it. I am a wuss. I don't like pain, discomfort or any activity that tends to cause pain and/or discomfort. I like easy runs, swimming and really want to replace my bike saddle with a twin size pillow top mattress. That might alleviate the occasionally "seat" pain that happens post bike ride.

So yesterday, in keeping with my I feel good swimming routine, I went to the pool. I actually had the entire outdoor pool all to myself for almost 20 minutes - swam 3 500's in a row when all of a sudden

DEAR MARY, MOTHER OF GOD - my left calf muscle is on fire. Yes, I know that is impossible as it is submerged in 7 feet of chlorinated water, but it burns, and hurts, and won't flex and WOWZERS that hurts.

I can't kick.
I can't bend my foot or leg.
My calf is throbbing, burning firelike pain.

I want to scream under water. I want to rip my leg off to make the burning stop.

I hop to the side of the pool, holding my leg like a gimpy puppy.  I massage it. Pain continues. I pray to myself "DEAR JESUS HELP ME" (Much like the scene in Taledega Nights where Ricky Bobby runs around - enjoy it again) 

I got out of the pool, walked around - limping, embarrassed I have not finished my swim... and the pain stops. My foot, calf and ankle relax, and I am fine.

WOW. That was odd I thought. What in tarnation caused that little episode?

According to the interwebs, "Sudden pains that show up during physical activity, such as walking, are usually a sign of what doctors call arterial insufficiency...is usually seen in the form of intermittent claudication. In this condition the painful cramping quickly comes and goes. It's always preceded by exercise, when the muscle demands more blood, and it's completely relieved within five to ten minutes of stopping the exertion that produced the pain."

Well - yes, so what does that mean Dr. Internet?

"Think of claudication as a heart attack of the lower leg," explains Joseph M. Giordano, M.D., professor and chief of surgery at George Washington University Hospital in Washington, D.C. "If blood flow is obstructed, the increased needs of the muscle aren't being met, and the attack occurs. With immediate rest, the muscle's blood demands return to normal, and the pain goes away."

A HEART ATTACK OF THE LOWER LEG. MAN  - I should have taken today off.

Dr. Internet continues: "Intermittent claudication is a relatively benign and manageable condition... At its worst, the condition can produce painful, slow-healing ulcers or even gangrene."

GANGRENE. Yum.

So what can I do about it to prevent this burning fire like pain from returning?
Go Home? Put my feet up? Eat potato ships for salt and carbs?

"Hoof it till it hurts. Though walking brings on intermittent claudication, a walking program is the first step in treating it. "You should walk until you reach your level of pain tolerance," says Dr. Giordano. "When you reach the point where you can't stand the pain anymore, stop. Push yourself a little more each day, keep increasing the distance, and gradually the condition will become less prevalent."

Great. Just what I wanted to hear.  The only way to get over this painful thing, is with more exercise. What a pain.

MOVE OVER PHELPS, GET OUT OF MY WAY SANDERS

Many many years ago when the US Olympic Swim Team was training for the 1996 Atlanta Summer Olympics, I went to a few of their practices like a little dorky groupie. I cheered, whistled hooted and hollered. I may have even followed a few of the male team members out to the bus and asked for autographs. One particular male swimmer remains in my memory  - Hans Dersch - ahh, Hans. Hope you are well.

While this was not the proudest moment in my life, I have moved on. Now, rather than chasing the athletes like an awkward puppy, I can kick their butts in the pool.

OK, slight exaggeration I will admit. I doubt I can kick the anything off of any past Olympian, but I feel like I can which is the real victory here.

I have reached a point in the water again, after many years, where I feel at home. As my arms work in union and my legs kick to the steady beat in my head, I feel strong, proud, almost good. Well, I feel good and am no longer embarrassed to say I used to swim. I can say, with some pride, that I still do swim.

So Ms. Summer Sanders, 1992 Gold medalist and Mr. Michael Phelps, fastest swimmer of all times - next time you are in Roanoke, call me. You can borrow my new kick board and I will even let you use my new YMCA cap if you forgot one.

We can swim a few thousand, have a cocktail of ice water on the rocks, and I promise I won't ask for your autographs. We can just enjoy the cold clean water and the way it makes you feel as you push off the wall. We can kick, paddle and breathe in mutual silence, enjoying our favorite sport together.

WHY AQUA JOGGING WITH ATTICUS IS NOT FOR WIMPS

I have been a little lazy this week. Not really sure why, but perhaps it has something to do with the fact I am generally lazy when it comes to exercise. That is why I decided to do the whole triathlon thing in the first place - lacking structure needing motivation.

Anyway, last night, in my laziness, I took the pups (seen here looking adorable like always last spring) for a long walk around the hood. We returned home hot, tired, slightly winded and gross. The solution? Take a dip.

We are blessed to have a concrete pond in the back yard that has lovely chlorinated water. On a warm evening, it is just the ticket to cool off. Only problem is that the pooches do not share the pool well.

They will run and jump on your head, chase things, like you, and if they get close enough, accidentally claw whatever bits of skin they can reach. They don't mean to hurt you, but when they have to keep doggy paddling to stay afloat, the nails inevitably make contact and cause humans, like me, pain.

So last night, I invented a great new workout - aqua jogging with Atticus.

This is how it works:

1. Stand in shallow end with large orange floating ball.
2. Throw ball toward middle of pool.
3. Watch two large dogs hurl bodies into air, toward ball, knocking heads and faces as they hit the water.
4. As dogs hit water - you swim toward deep end, away from dogs.
5. As Gracie steals orange ball, Atticus loses interest and starts toward you - he thinks you are his new orange ball.
6. You swim, kick and do whatever is necessary to avoid his reach while staying in the water reaching shallow end unscathed.
7. Gracie exits pool with ball - ready to play again.
8. Throw ball again and repeat.

The good news is, this little game gave us all a work out.

The bad news is, I think my neighbors may have called Animal Control when they heard me screaming and frantically swimming away from the large black dog, and or they called the psych. unit at our neighboring hospital to complain of the ill woman next door.

 If I want to do well in September during the swim leg of the triathlon, I may need Atticus to come along. He tends to make me swim faster. We may play again tonight - so bring your ball, and come on by.

GOGGLE DEATH

I have typically referred to "goggle death" as the event wherein one's goggles pop off, leak or do not work  during a swim race, competition etc. For years I would watch team mates dive in, and squirm as their protective eye wear would move to their chin, mouth or fall off all together. It is not fun, and I would guess, most swimmers have known the panic associated with mid race goggle death.

The phrase however has new meaning for me as my favorite goggles literally disintegrated, broke, snapped and fell apart on my face while swimming last evening.

For years I have been singing the praises of TYR's socket rockets - sleek, light weight and oh so cozy on one's eyeballs, the socket rockets have long held my affection and praise.

This morning, upon realizing that I live in a small town where socket rockets may not be readily available, I logged onto http://www.tyr.com/ to purchase a few pairs of the world's best goggles.

14 pairs on the website - new sleek colors with metallic faces to shade your eyes from the bright summer sun.
Out of the 14 pairs on the website, TYR is OUT OF STOCK of 13 pairs. The only pair available for purchase is light pink with white straps.

Do I look like an 11 year old girl to you? (Rhetorical question, don't answer that please). PINK goggles. No self respecting athlete or pretend athlete would wear those, which is clearly the case since TYR can't sell them.

So Goggle death now has new meaning. Goggle death is what happens when your favorite goggles that have survived years of chlorine and neglect, die a terrible and traumatic death, and you are unable to replace them.

I can hear taps playing as I log onto another website in search of sleek swim eye wear.

WHICH KIND OF SWIM CAP IS BETTER?

Since we are starting at the beginning, with swimming, I think it appropriate to speak about swim gear.

Thankfully, swimming normally requires minimal gear. I am thankful for this because I lose stuff with frequency. I will spend at least 3 hours this weekend looking through drawers, closets and chests for my bike shoes, gloves, etc...When I have found them, it will take me another 30 minutes to find my keys, sunglasses and I will worry I have locked a cat in one of the drawers, chests or closets and will reopen all to ensure cat safety.

At least with swimming, you need very little and can keep it in one place.

So what is required? Suit, goggles and maybe a cap. Now I say maybe knowing full well that caps are required in most triathlons. Notwithstanding, if you happen upon a local pool this summer where folks are swimming laps, you will see that swimmers disagree as to cap preference and usage.

As I see it, there are really only three options when it comes to head gear in swimming:
1. No cap
2. Latex
3. Silicone

Option 1. No cap.
For women or men with Fabio length hair, option one is not great. For starters, holding back long hair underwater while trying to swim in a straight line is tough. Try it and let me know how it goes.

In addition, you will find that frequent pool swimming can cause green hair and significant hair damage. This is not a joke. By September most years as a child, my hair was often light green despite frequent washes with expensive shampoo called Ultra Swim. At the very least, caps will minimize chlorine damage and save you money on special shampoos and conditioners.

While a man or someone with short hair may be able to pull off no-cap training, I can't and won't start now.

So the question then remains, do I go latex or silicone for the next 4 month of training?

Option 2. Latex.
Latex caps are usually cheaper, thinner, and more likely to need frequent replacement. They come in many sizes and colors, and generally are easy to put on.

I heart latex caps. Their uses in and outside of the pool are really endless. You can fling them at people who are not looking. You can shoot them like rubber bands at the manatee floating in your lane and then apologize when he looks up, realizing for the first time you want to pass him.  You can also order custom ones that have American flags and your name so the folks at the local pool are tricked into thinking you are one bad (bad as in good) swimmer.

I know a cute 7 year old boy who wears his Phelps caps to practice, meets and sometimes to the dinner table when company comes over. I think his family and teammates are most impressed.

I therefore conclude that latex caps come with amazing benefits other than just keeping your hair out of your face and I recommend them without hesitation.

In fact, here are a few latex caps I recommend you buy, own, and wear proudly today:

For $3.95 at Swimoutlet.com, you can purchase the following vanity cap that speaks volumes to your teammates and or lane mates.

Want a cap with a very personal message? Team name, or mantra? You can actually custom order them at lovely websites like pureblueswim.com

In High School, we would pride ourselves on stealing other team's caps so that during the race, coaches and teammates would be most confused as to why the blue suit was wearing the Bolles cap, etc.

So there we have it. I support the use of Latex caps. They get the job done and allow a little creativity at the same time.

3. Silicone.

Now, on to silicone. When you think silicone, another image comes to mind. Something light weight, maybe even buoyant. There are folks out there who really like silicone caps. I am just not one of them. 

Frankly, I have a small head and they don't fit me well. In addition, they always make me think of the scene in the original parent trap where Sharon, pretending to be Susan, floats around in their California pool/ lake thing. She wears a cap that looks like this fine cap available on Speedo's website.  

So while I understand there are many who support the daily use of Silicone caps (they do last longer and keep your hair dry), I will stick with my cheaper latex cap.

Maybe just maybe, with enough flings of the cap, my lane mates will learn not to hog the middle.

IN THE BEGINNING

Apparently the first part of a triathlon is the swim. I support this decision by the inventors of the triathlon for many reasons, the first of which is that swimming is the only one of the three sports that I don't totally suck at.


So, if one is going to compete in an event that combines three sports together in a certain order with a beginning middle and end, perhaps it would behoove me to start training at the beginning as well. 


And so I went swimming tonight.


Now, in the last 2 months, I can say I have strapped the TYR suit, latex cap (more on caps later) and goggles on to swim a few laps on maybe 4 occasions... clearly this means I am not a frequent swimmer. Rather, I am resting on my laurels, or my years and years of competitive swimming which as an aside, ended a long long time ago. 


So what does years of competitive swimming get you? Big shoulders, and little else, except that I am comfortable swimming and still have some basic rhythm and cadence when my pale white body enters the water.


The triathlon I hope to compete in begins with a 750 meter open water swim. How long is 750 meters? Well, its 30 laps in a pool - or less than 1/2 mile. The longest race I ever did in High school was the 500 - which is considered distance over sprint.


So in practical terms, 750 is not that far, but it is not to be completed with a few kicks and pulls. Its far enough where you need to work. 


My 750 in the pool this evening took 13 minutes and 21 seconds according to a borrowed Timex watch.
How slow am I? Well, the rough math is this - 100 / 750 = n / 13.35 (no judging on my algebra please). This means I was swimming 100 meters at an average of 1 minute 46 seconds.


Wow. That's slow. Even my cat can swim 100 meters in 1 minute 40...well, no. That's not true. My cat is obese and doesn't swim but the point remains the same. There is room for improvement here at the swim start. 


Good to know as I start at the beginning, swimming. 


It's early May. The race is in mid-September. 14 weeks to get my swimming skills back to a reasonable place. Goal. 1min 30 sec 100's for 750 meters. Ok, more reasonable goal? Suck less in September than I do now. 


Until then, I will blame the borrowed watch and say it was broken, or slow, or both.