29 MINUTE MORNING "FUN RUN"

When a race advertises itself as a "fun run," it generally means that runners are welcome, but most folks will be walking, or jogging and walking. It is basically code for "serious runners may not want to participate."

I know this because I have participated in many a fun run. I like fun runs because people jog, stop, snack, chat, walk and jog some more. Dogs and babies are welcome. People chat and exchange pleasantries. That's my kind of cardio, the kind where snacking and talking are welcome.

This morning however, it was my plan to start triathlon training in my running shoes with a bang. Ok, so bang is a strong word. It was my goal to at least JOG for 30 minutes straight.

Allow me to share how my morning exercise went instead.

7:32 am    
Said goodbye to cute droopy ear dogs and headed out front door, ipod in hand, cute blue running outfit ready to go.

7:32 am   
I pod shuffle started Stop and Stare - One Republic. 3 minutes and 42 seconds of soft music with  a decent beat. I felt pretty good - running down hill, across parking lots of numerous churches, toward the Roanoke River Greenway.

7:37 am   
 I pod shuffle makes a significant move to Elton John's Tiny Dancer. YES I think to myself as I wait for cars to pass our large level 1 trauma hospital which borders the Greenway. I'll be your tiny dancer Elton.

Then somewhere into the 6 minute song  my lungs and legs became heavy. By the time the song ended, I was worried those near me would fear for my respiratory health and flag down the nearest ambulance.

7:43 am   
Ben Harper's song Blessed to be a Witness comes on. I would like to apologize formally to the man in the Cardinal Bike jersey who I may have spit on at this point. I would also like to thank the men fishing on the River who did not laugh as I sat down and pretended to stretch. Even they knew it was a thinly veiled attempt at catching my breath.

7:48 am  
Butt kicker Jordan Sparks comes on with Tattoo. Terrible song, great beat. At the start of a small Roanoke park, when my lungs continued to wheeze, I decided to pretend I was supposed to turn around there and come home.

7:51 am  
Katy Perry Hot and Cold. At this point, my legs and lungs needed me to walk. I heard Ms. Perry complain about a friend who was up / down, in and out. Oops, she wouldn't like my inconsistency this morning on the fun run.

7:55 am
The Fray, How to save a Life started. Good pick as I feared I would not be able to jog the 4 blocks home without collapsing.

Argh. So my running skills are wholly lacking. I can't currently run for 30 minutes without needing to stop and pretend to stretch something. Next time I should carry a fishing pole with me so people aren't embarrassed to see me huff and puff down the Greenway.

Conclusion: There is room for improvement. For my friends who are doing Gallop for the Greenways this weekend, enjoy. If you are concerned you may not get a PR, think of me, and enjoy a good laugh.